No sentimental value to the rose that fell on the floor

Recent Run of Events

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 23:50:40 GMT

so it looks like things might e finally working out a little. Me and Rich are planning a holiday to Rhodes tomorrow and all going well, I think we might just end up there. Things have been strange recently, after the occurance with the bobby arguement I dont know how to feel about myself and me and rich, I know I love him but I cant understand how we can get under each others skin as much as we do sometimes and for it to be at the beginning of every month just seems obsurd.
Im currently waiting upon my Exam Results to come back. I really am hoping that I get nothing less than B's although I realise that is being optimistic slightly as I haven't really enjoyed this year of education that much at all with people such as Kitty Graham (English teacher) not making things any easier for anyone. I am holding on to Theatre (A) Geog (B) and English (B) although I feel that Im not the only one who feels that would be miracle grades to get. During my exams I became really stressed and I personnal feel that this had an effect on my dislexia and if not that it definately had an effect on my self essteem for education.
University is another thing thats beginning to really bug me I finally worked out a few week ago that I want to do Physical Geog as a degree, but finding a location that fits to the situations that I want is proving rather difficult. All I want and I know its not asking for much but I want a university that will provide me with a small group of people that I will be able to relate to, friends that I could socialise with during university time, pretty much like my old geog class, jus general people. A university which would mean I wouldnt have to live in halls or go to far a field for and a uni that is at my standard of at least studying Geog at As or A level unlike Brad. My ideal place would prob be somewhere like York. As although Leeds would seem the obvious option to go for as it does do a similar course to one I would be looking for although not exact, it would remind me too much of going to Notre Dame and I would feel like there would be no change to my lifestyle. Oh I dunno it still needs so much thought. But all the universitys I've looked at recently seem to just be over caste by asian communities and no matter how hard I try I cant see myself fitting in with that sort of community that well.

New Beginning

Sun, 21 May 2006 13:35:24 GMT

God its been a long time since Ive wrote in this and not much has changed unfortunately. Im still at Notre Dame college. Well Ive got a week left anyways. All I want to do it travel and own a cat how silly am I? Ive got five exams starting the 13th of June and ending the 28th of June. Ive got my race on the 1st of July which I am really excited about and can't wait to do, although I need to keep practicing on running that far! (5km) As Im sure that on the tredmill it calculates it to be much longer than it is actually is on the road.
Hopefully off to Athens this summer! Really wanting to go somewhere abroad either with a friend or by myself and recently its looking like its going by myself. Im looking at a hostel at the moment all women too :) Annie tells me they are usually packed with people like me travelling, I do hope so.
Im still with Rich sometimes I think we are okay other times I think we arent. Were discussing moving in at the moment but I don't think it will happen.
I want my own place and a siamese cat! I want to go to yoga classes and become aware of all natural and health products. I want to build on my interest in the piano and arts.
Plans for the summer are :
Go see more Theatre
Travel for a week in Greece
Attempt to learn to play the piano
Decide on what university course you want to do next year.
Work at Lush.
Try as many new stuff out as possible
Become toned in all my body.

Celebrate Good Times

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 09:19:53 GMT

what a bloody night last night: ) didnt quite manage to get into Fab but still things were great fun! : ) Frances made me a bithday cake which i love her for dearly, Kate got me lots and lots of ribbons and I got loadsa dosh off of people. Went to Strawbs with Frances, Kate, Gabriella and her b.friend Tom, Tom Johnson and Rich and sweet old Lisi : ) Lol - Rich was rolling around on the floor drunk and laughing his head off hahaha! Nah thing were great and i had a lovely time. Got new boots, straighteners, Skirt, Top, Flasy Tights same as Fran's and a scarf that cost £18.00 and probably wasnt worth it but hey there ya go. A lot of people sent me birthday cards/Messages/Emails. Which is great and i had a really happy 17th birthday. Chocolate cake is yummyfastic : ) Thanks for a great birthday ALL : ) Todalls x

odd day

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 20:39:24 GMT

my god what a strange day. Im just so thankful I have good friends at the moment Gabriella Frances and Kate I love you all to bits xx I feel odd not right somehow I feel like I should be writing lyrics I feel so confused and I seriously dont know what i want anymore. Thank God im going out to Gabbi's house tomorrow, I feel like I can half talk to them all and everything makes sense.

i was bored

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 18:18:09 GMT

2. Name: Hayley-Louise*Walsh
3. Nickname: Lilly
4. School: Pudsey Grangefield
5. E mail: kitten_cheeks_me@hotmail.com
6. Eyes: green/blue
7. Height: 5ft 6ish
8. Birthday: 9th of October
9. Siblings: Im an only child
10. Been so drunk you blacked out: Now thats just silly : )
11. Taken any illegal substances: erm....next question
12. Gone out in pjamas: yeah did it the other week...whats wrong with that : )
13. Missed school because it was raining: Nah snowing yeah but raining nah
14. Have you ever deleted number 15 on these survey things: No
15. Had an imaginary friend: Nah I talked to myself and teddies a lot when i was younger
16. Ever wanted to hook up with a friend: Yeah :$
17. Cried during a flick: Nearly with The Green Mile and The Life Of David Gale but nah not yet
18. Ever thought an animated character was hot: Daria is fantastic : )
19. Ever owned a New Kids on the Block tape: Nope!!
20. Planned your week based on the TV guide: Thats nearly as sad as counting the hairs on your arms.
21. Prank called someone: Yeah

FAVORITES

1. Shampoo: Bed Head
2. Soap: Cinnemon and Nutmeg Body Scrub
3. Color: Maroon
4. Day/Night: Night*
5. Summer/Winter: Autumn
6. Sport: Does going to the gym count?
7. Lace/Satin: Lace
8. Cartoon character: Daria
9. TV show: Friends
10. Song: Fast as you Can - Fiona Apple
11. Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla
12. White/Chocolate milk: White
13. Food: Mexican
14. Movie: The Game, Shirly Valentine : )
15. Day of the year: 5 November
16. Brand of clothes: H & M and Gap : )
17. Drink: Mocca
18. Scary/Happy movies: Both
19. On the phone/In person: In person
20. Love/Lust: Love - realistic

In The Past 2 Weeks

1. Cried: No
2. Cut your hair: No, but it needs cutting
3. Been mean: Not directly
4. Been sarcastic: Yeah course
5. Meet someone new: Yep Kate, George, Fran : ) all lovely
6. Injured yourself: Yeah small scratchs
7. Missed someone: Yep
8. Hugged someone: Yeah
9. Kissed someone: Yeah Fran : )
10. Fought with parents: Yeah
11. Wished upon a star: I wished with a feather from Charles yesterday
12. Laughed until you cried: Erm always have a gud attempt
13. Played truth or dare: Nah I always get myself in Pickles that way
14. Watched a sunrise/sunset: Yeah kinda saw fireworks with tom and had to wait till the sun went down then
15. Went to the beach at night: Nope
16. Bought new clothes: Yeah lots from Gap
17. Read a book for Fun: Yeah Angelas Ashes My old diaries amusment
18. Ate a meal: Yeah cereal

Do You Believe In

1. God/Devil: erm..im falling out with religion
2. Love: yeah
3. The Closet Monster: I want to believe in him just incase :S
4. The Big Bang Theory: Not sure?! Science aint my subject
5. Heaven/Hell: Not sure gain
6. Superstitions:Nah

Miscellaneous

1. Are you dating anyone? If so who? Nope
2. Like anyone in a "more than a friend" way: Yeah like Best Friends
3. Who have you known the longest of your friends: Hayley, Sally wonderful people
4. Who is the loudest: Fran
5.Who is the shyest: hard question
6. Who do you go to for advice: Bloody anyone
7. Who do you cry with: only old friends usually
8. Are you lonely: Nah
9. Are you happy: Yeah, no point in frowns
10. Are you talking to someone online? not at the moment
11. BSB or NSYNC: Not needed questions to fill up silly space!
12. When was the last time you showered: Yesterday - Im lazy lol
13. What was the last sport you played: not sure
14. What are you listening to right now: Fiona Apple
15. What was the last thing you said online:
16. What/Who is sitting right next to you: Mum
17. What is your computer desk made of wood? Yeah
18. What are the last 4 digits of your house phone number: 9067
19. What was the last thing you ate: salard
20. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with: Myself really, as long as i have a few friends im fine
21. Where do you want to go on your honeymoon: Somewhere not too hot
22. How many people on your buddy list: Too Many
23. How the weather right now: Autumn and i love it
24. Have you ever smoked pot: Yeah who hasnt?
25. What did you do last night: Went to watch fireworks with Tom
26. How are you today: Im good
29. Have you ever won any special awards: yeah quite a few for dancing but thats only cos Ive done it since I was 3
30. What do you want to be when you grow up: Techincal work at the Theatre, Set Designer, Lighting etc
31. Do you like to dance: yes how can you not Love to dance
32. Fast or slow: In a mad mannor
33. Are you too shy to ask someone out: Kinda - depends who it is and circumstances
34. If you could change your name what would it be: Lilly after my Grandmother shes wonderful
35. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No
36. Ever been in love: Yep
37. What is the stupidest thing you have ever done: Trusted the wrong ppl and also locked the car keys in the car cos I wanted scraps on my chips
38. First sons name:
39. First daughter: Ebony Tamsin or Lilly
40. If you could change one thing about your life what would it be: To be more creative and to have more knowledge about backstage theatre.

Butterflies and Hurricaines

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 08:49:24 GMT

hey hey hey (8) what a life (8) Notre Dame is the best thing that has ever happened to me.Kate Fran and George are fantastic : ) Went to York yesterday with Charles which was kool we had lunch and watched street entertainment which was great and hillarious. we nearly got on the wrong train at one point and i nearly lost my wrist warmers ( not quite gloves) Went to Kirkstall Abbey last night it was so damn magical tom and me were being critical of all the technical work on the lighting and tom was giving me a lesson of how you set up outdoor venues. Fireworks were fantastic i never doubted any less. Im off to a Razorlight Gig soon and theres a firework display going on on my birthday which i cant wait for : ) Alanis Morissettes new vid looks great too ** But on a rather low note - Chris has left now for nottingham but at least ill be able to go down to see his new flat accomondation and meet up with all his maties down there and partay lol. Rich is still in a pickle and i dont like the smell of vinegar. I got loadsa work for City V's soon yayayayay. Ive dropped sociology it smells lol, esspecially when ive got it double on a friday afternoon :P Theatre is fab, Eng is gud and Geog is challenging but good as well. I bought £50.00 shoes the other day and they are pretty and i love them. Going shopping with parents to gap with discounts so im off to get all my winter jumpers : ) Autumn is here and my birthday is soooooon! i wana go ice skating and i dunno roll down a hill with crispy leaves and see fireworks : )
big update but includes most of the stuff anyway. Went out with maria a few weeks ago to fab and that was real good, lovely dancing shoes and fishnets and gay men everywhere who could ask for more ; ) erm probably a spolit brat.....la.la.la..
im off ur silly for reading all of that : ) nah only messing cya's

Do some people even kno how to be cival ?

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 00:31:24 GMT

What a bloody change since last time i updated. Ive dumped rich i think twice since we last talked. normal people only dump people once but u kno when hav i ever been like that with guys. Went to Vickys new flat tonight it was gorgeous : ) Tried to have some fun out tonight, didnt quite work out the best way but there ya go. went out with chris the other night and that was fantastic : ) Im gona miss him so damn much! Rich has really blown it this time I was so annoyed with his selfishness, he tried to make me feel better today by asking if i wanted to talk to H about things or if i wanted to come down for a chinese i said no and even tho i had not a great time out with naomi it was still the best idea i made today. Grandad isnt well, I keep on blocking that out of my mind, but its there when theres silence in the room or when i have some time to myself. I cant understand why all the shitty things happen to the really nice people ? Why I get treated like crap when all i try to be is nice to people ? Why couldnt rich jus of been a nice guy? then i bloody wudnt of had to go through all the shit with my family and defending him all the time when i shud of just left him months and months ago, silly hayley. Leannes mum was right, hes the typical charmer. I cant believe I got sucked into everything so much to a point where he didnt even think i was a strong person. I cant believe he hurt me so much, and i cudnt even say it to his face. I keep on listening to encouraging tracks to keep me on track with how i want to think. Was talking to vicky tonight tho and i dunno why but for some strange reason she made me think about him in that cuddly way, maybe its cos shes pregnant she has that motherly/cudderly vibe given off from her. Oh i dunno, i dont kno much lately, i dont kno where i stand with people. but what i do kno for a fact was that i got
Eng Lit A
Eng Lang A
Maths C
Science CC
Geog B
Textiles B
ICT CC
French E lol
and that means Im into Notre Dame and will have new friends and a fresh start in less than one week. I cant bloody wait. Was quite proud of my results cos i really did put my blood and sweat into it. and stressed out loads : ) poor me. right gona go now cos its late and i need sleep badly cos im not in the best of moods. Todalls x

lar dee dar

Tue, 29 Jun 2004 09:57:31 GMT

i hate how i only remember to update this when things arent good. Friday Im going to Notre Dame tester day , should be exciting, but so damn nervous about it as well. Me and Rich are great as usual : ) yay, but i suppose we arent allowed to see each other for three weeks which is shit! Paris isnt too far away, Moulin Rouge, Disney Land, Shopping, Eiffel Tower, should be fun, clear my head from a few things at home. I need a job, well got City Varieties but I need one thats most weekends at least. Wouldnt mind being a waitress again cos then at least i can spend my tips and save for brighter days when im 18 :)

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 08:33:32 GMT

if this world is wearing thin
and you're thinking of escape
i'll go anywhere with you
just wrap me up in chains
but if you try to go alone
don't think i'll understand

stay with me, stay with me.

in the silence of your room
in the darkness of your dreams
you must only think of me
there can be no in between
when your pride is on the floor
i'll make you beg for more

stay with me, stay with me.

you'd better hope and pray
that you make it safe
back to your own world
you'd better hope and pray
that you wake one day
in your own world
cause when you sleep at night
they don't hear your cries
in your own world
only time will tell if you can break the spell
back in your own world

stay with me, stay with me.
stay, stay with me
stay...

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 08:27:42 GMT

Exams Exams Exams lately theres no end to the boring weekends. Hopefully gona have a great weekend after exams. Planning it out already. Decorating bedroom soon :) cant decide how to do it tho. Im gona get contacts today as well, hopefully I can have some interesting ones without them being too costy :)

Looking forward to going to Notre Dame still oooo all those people their will be to meet . Oh the joy to be had.

Whore

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 10:40:03 GMT

Whats the point in trying to please people who will never think any better.You try your best to have fun with people and they just throw back in your face. How many people wana call me a slut or a slag? Becos thats what I am arent I Of Coursse with having two long term boyfriends over the space of three years and not cheated! Im such a whore!..... hint at the sarcasm there

Update with Feelings

Wed, 12 May 2004 22:29:59 GMT

I admit it I have the most paranoid jealous mind ever created. Althought it might be in good reason it probably isnt true. Is it because I have secret truths about people that I cover up so I reckon everyone else does it to me? Have you got to be honest with the world and its words before you can believe honesty in other people? Does the same apply with love? Can you only treuly love someone if you love yourself on some level.... In that case are all big headed vain people, the people who we should choose be our best friends?
Does True Happiness only come from Within? Or is it just the effect that people have on us that creates our moods?
If you have high self essteem does that mean you will have good friends and be a good friend to others?
Im confussed and scared about going to Notre Dame. Im scared I won't give off the right sort of vibe to people and that everyone will already have their set of best friends. I swear Im destined NEVER to have abest friend for longer than one year( girls wise) I mean Chris has probably been the one of the best friends I have ever had! Me not fancying him at all makes things so much easier with life, because it means that I can be best friends with him and not have to worry about falling in love with him, remembering past days spent together and not dwelling on it. Hes the only person I can recall knowing me inside out and still liking me for it. Theres the odd few ppl now who think they know me quiet well. Richard being one of them, I swear he knows Im in a bad mood before even I do, its well freaky! Just to keep up with liking me this way seems to be something of a "gift" to some people.
Ok Im done with mumbling on about crap now, because Ive nearly finished my chocolate bar that I bought yesterday.

Mon, 03 May 2004 20:07:05 GMT

You like snow but only if it's warm You like rain but only if it's dry No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for 'Cause it's easy not to So much easier not to And what goes around never comes around to you You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much And you sit...and you wait...to receive There's an abvious attraction To the path of least resistance in your life There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistance Could make you try tonight 'Cause it's easy not to So much easier not to And what goes around never comes around to you To you to you to you to you to you... There's no love no money no thrill anymore There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy With his head in his hands There's an underestimated and impatient little girl Raising her hand But it's easy not to So much easier not to And what goes around never comes around to you To you, to you get up get up get up off of it get up get up get up off of it get out get outta here enough already get up get up get up off of it wake up If these relate to you, you know your in a wrong place..... Im in a wrong place.....

Sat, 01 May 2004 21:12:24 GMT

http://www.adrianpemsel.de/Bilder/Alanis%20Morissette%20Stuttgart%202003/alanis1.jpg

I get to see this bloody live, does anyone realise how hyperactive I am. Put it in real terms just for you Rich Im more hyper than I was the night I followed you to the bus stop tee hee hee : )

Sat, 01 May 2004 19:36:25 GMT

IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISSETTE!!!!IM OFF TO SEE ALANIS MORISETTE!!!
Im so damn giddy!!!!

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 13:02:08 GMT

Tee Hee Amusing : )

Pretty ...

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 10:23:51 GMT

I made me live journal look all pretty yay :) Thanks to Carly that helped me out. Still feeling crap about everything else Im gona get myself a coffee and a few revision books adn sit in starbucks soon, sounds a gud idea to me.

Fuking Sick Of Everything

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 22:57:58 GMT

Im Fuking sick of it all. Fuk exams people everything whats the point. I get used by everyone am I just someones laughing game? Fuk revision and exams I cant be arsed anymore with it. People telling me ll be fine when clearly Im not! Im not gona pass at A or A* Im so fuking sorry father! And Im so sorry that I cant be the preson everyone wants me to be, so fuk u all now. Im gona be by myself at least I dont have to try and be someone else then! Im not gona pass shite cos Ive just turned out to be the loser I always dreaded. Fine fuking laugh at me stick as many fuking comments as you like. But know this its not gona make a difference. Ive got myself in this, Im the loser that didnt work in year ten at all and now Im just gona get it all thrown back in my face! Dont tell me things will be okay cos lets face it HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW? You dont! So sorry if it seems like Im ignoring you lately cos quite frankly I probably am.

My Song That I Wrote : )

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 15:56:36 GMT

Once Upon tale stories

Once upon tale stories soon became reality
One little girl spoke up and slowly shocked, awakened me
The story I have wanted for so long embellished me
It opened my pores up and released another apology

Close to my world
Close to my life
Close to my thoughts
Controlling what I think again

Would you stand? (Would you fall)
Would you swim? Or would you drown
Would you run? (Would you bruise)
Would you carry on living at all?

Would you heal? (Would you bleed)
Would you cope? Or would you fail
Would you breath? (Would you die)
Begin to lose it all

The Loved obvious attraction lost all its quality
One little girl spoke up and slowly shocked, discovered me
Was it patient assistance that showed me my purity
Was it the constant comfort that caved into misory

Close to my world
Close to my life
Close to my thoughts
Controlling what I think again

Would you stand? (would you fall)
Would you swim? (would you drown)
Would you run?(would you bruise)
Would you carry on living at all?

Would you heal?(would you bleed)
Would you cope? (would you fail)
Would you breath?( would you die)
And begin to lose it all

Fall and drown and bruise bleed and fail down get back up and die
Wonder back small petty soul
And laugh at yourself when you look at me x2

Determination

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 10:34:10 GMT

Determination is the key thing to life! Go for everything you set your heart to!
Be a strong person in everything !

Sun, 04 Apr 2004 13:21:32 GMT

I can manage to deal with people who hate me easily, but when its Lisi it tears me :( I cant say that I can deal with not being her friend cos I really do miss her. Went out last night with Rich, Claire, Tom, Bobby and then met up with Martin later on. Was a gud night out. I was well knackered by the end of the night tho. I just want loads of things to be resolved. Soon Ill be at Notre Dame so Im gona take that as a new start
Its a new dorn its a new day its a new life for me
and Im feeling good .......... ( Muse)

Hope I feel like anyway. Gota really revise for my GCSE's tho or Im gona fail bad style. What happened to me I was getting 6's at sats level and now look at me. Aw well gota set off for band practice soon with Rich. Things are fine with us at the moment and things have been resolved anyway so Im rambling now anyway must go todalls xxx

Crappy Day

Fri, 26 Mar 2004 13:12:58 GMT

Hey World, things arent good yet again I hate being depressive, I feel like Im one of these people that should sit in a dark corner and feel extremally sorry for themselves, God thats sad. Im gona go now Cant stand myself moaning out loud. Todalls xx

Update

Tue, 23 Mar 2004 12:47:23 GMT

Its all of a sudden hit me that Im going to lose out on so many friends. I can't actually believe I've lost Lisi well and truely and yet again its my fault. Im not really gona miss a hell of a lot of people cos to tell you the truth Im glad to be leaving in May / Sept. But their are certain individuals that I ill majorly cry about when I leave.
Hayley Raper being one major one of them!!! Forever in primary we were the two hayley's , have it she was always the brighter one out of the both of us, but never has it come to a point of falling out. Ive known her for 12 years maybe a bit over and to lose such a great friend whos been their for me when Ive been upssrt everytime, will seriosuly kill me. I'd like to say we'd keep in touch , but even now shes got way too much of a busy lifestyle ( suppose I have too) to include each other. It just seems we always clash!
Went to a gig the other night with Rich really enjoyed it, I think were kinda at the point were we understand why each other gets mad and irratated easily at certain things. I really had a big urge to drink on saturday. Lately Ive been feeling like I wana get off my face and forget what happens in one day! Leanne and Co. Pissed me off HIGHLY today, in english to a point of tears. I forgot what it felt like to be picked on, I soon remembered :( You'd think a best friend would stick up for you when she can see your nearly in tears, much like Hayley and Jodie did. I know I dont hang about with them outside school Jodie or Hayley but I love them so much. I was crying again last night because I'll never get Lisi back as a friend, when considering we were best friends is a great loss. God I sound depressive this can't be good. I don't particulary want to be down and I don't particulary want to be moaning and going on about everything thats happened over the last few days/ weeks.

New

Thu, 18 Mar 2004 10:37:52 GMT

Hey New Diary I hope no of my official friends find this one, I just want this diary to be for people who really do share the same interest as me and actually just to generally moan about life :) lol.
As you probably know from my info page I love creative music styles :
Alanis Morissette
Fiona Apple
Tori Amos
They are all fuking amasing!! I take great interests in peoples and mannerism's people personalities. I ADORE the theatre,and why anyone doesnt is beyond me!!!
Well there you have it my official new diary
Todall Pips